New Addition

On Saturday, my boyfriend and I went to Tractor Supply Co. to see the puppies that the humane society had for their adoption event. We didn’t plan on adopting, just playing with puppies. What better to do on a Saturday, right?

For some reason, I was drawn to the adult dogs. There was a skinny yellow dog who was being held on a leash, not in a crate. He barked at me loudly until I pet him. The handler informed me that she’d waived his adoption fee, that he was free to whoever would take him.

I walked away, but I knew I couldn’t leave him. So, I came back and told her that we wanted to take Ranger home. My boyfriend signed the paperwork as I sat next to where he was now kenneled. All I could keep saying was “it’s okay, we’re gonna take you home.”

Later we found out that the reason he was free was because he was scheduled to be euthanized today. Monday. Just two days later. Every time I look into his beautiful brown eyes, it makes me both immensely happy I could save him, and immensely sad that he could have met that fate. 

Because of Ranger, I know I will never buy a dog from a pet store or breeder. Through adopting a rescue dog, I have discovered a love and trust I didn’t know I could have with a dog. In these two and a half very short days, I have found a best friend, and a partner for life. 

Ranger is inquisitive. He is loving. He smiles with his teeth. He loves all other animals, and craves affection and acceptance from them (he’ll cry if he’s ignored). He has never met a stranger, that is – unless they come near his house. He is so very intelligent. I’ve honestly never had a better dog, and I love him so much. 

Give adult and young adult dogs a chance. Give rescues a chance. Give mix breeds and mutts a chance. They make just as good of dogs as any “purebred” will. 

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Love Poems 

I write random poetry in my phone notes. Some are better than others. Enjoy!

1. Timeless

When your arms no longer fight with your shirtsleeves,

And your eyes lose all the blue and give into the gray,

I will still be in love with you.

And not the you from before,

But the you that manifests itself in each current version;

With the truth in your soul,

And the fire in your heart.
2. Untitled 

Everyone who left before 

Took a little of me with them

And it took finding you

To bring back the pieces

And fulfill me even more

3. Conflicting

I love him.

I love him so much that 

Sometimes I want to hate him 

For not expressing love

The same way I do 

For not being one for 

Grandeur and romantic gestures

For not always 

Wanting to hold me

Like he said he would

When it all began 

But I love him

And I know he loves me

So I cannot hate him 

For expressing love 

The way that only he can

For being one who

Cooks every meal

For always

Being next to me

Like he promised 

When it all began

He loves me 

So I will love him 

And never give up on him 

For being more selfless 

Than he seems 

For being one who

Loves unconditionally 

For always

Being there for me

Like he promised 

When it all began 

4. Present

Today is not:

A day for what could have been.

Today is:

A day for what is and is to be.

Every day is:

For you and I.

No day is:

For the past.

Then is:

Her.

Now is:

Us.

5. Universal 

If ever you think 

That your time 

Here in this world 

Was wasted

If you think –

Even for a second –

You made no impact;

No big change

Look back at me.

For you are my world,

And have changed

My universe.

6. Intuition 

You’ll know when you find the one 

When you finally find true love

And a mutual true love

You will just know 

I can’t tell you for sure what it will feel like

I think it’s different for everyone

Some people claim a tingling 

Or butterflies inside them 

For me it was a total completion 

And ultimate finality and fulfillment 

Like when you fall asleep on a long ride 

The feeling that tells you to wake up when you get home 

7. Singing in the Shower 

Sometimes I wonder 

If one day we’ll wake up

And have been wrong

If there will be an end for us 

And then I hear him singing 

Idly in the shower 

And I remember months ago

When he told me he couldn’t 

And how he’s probably right 

But how everything he does

Is exceptionally beautiful to me

In every way possible 

I recall how vital he is to me

That I can’t imagine a life 

If he’s not in every part of it 

And how deeply empty it would be 

8. Senseless 

He’s just so beautiful

The way he glides around the kitchen

Humming and happily cooking

How his brow furrows as he reads

Page after page of silence

There are so many things

About him and the way he exists

That entice and allure me

For no sensible reason at all

9. Him

Here he sits just next to me,

King of all worlds & all times,

Silently bearing all burdens,

Weights of all worlds & all times.

10. Falling

It’s not time spent out 

That I cherish the most,

But all the time spent in. 

not material things 

That draw me close,

But all the things within.

It’s not spontaneity

That brings me joy,

But routine and all night calls. 

Not your ability to catch

That insights me,

But my willingness to fall.

11. Wild

Minds and Bodies, Hearts and Souls;

In the wilderness are wild. 

Slightly shocked, but made aware

Now giddy as a child.

Bare just as is intended,

New expectations met,

Drenched by summer and eachother,

Moisture mixed with sweat.

Tucked away from any strangers,

So far from our small tent.

Just me, and you, and Mother Nature;

A summer’s eve well spent.

12. Memory

I’m in love with the way you 

Can make memories

By doing nothing at all

13. Bonnie and Clyde

I can think of no pair to compare in the least 

To the likes of our likely match.

First, I thought of us Belle and her Beast,

Yet you’re an obvious catch

Then, the infamous Bonnie and Clyde;

Their love ever stronger than prisons and guards.

Running, thoughtless, and desperate to hide

So far from our gentle hearts.

Two scholars and teachers entranced by romance

Make not a great love of legend or lore,

Yet our bond and effortless, natural occurrence

Entrances my thoughts all the more

My High School Experience

I grew up in a small, semi-rural town in Texas. So, there are certain things that come as a kind of given. There definitely were kids that wore boots, jeans, and button ups EVERY day. Homecoming, and those Friday night lights were a big deal. People here are passionate, opinionated, and usually pretty vocal about it.

When you get close to graduating, everyone tells you to cherish it. That you’ll miss it when you’re gone. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t miss it. At all. I am being completely honest when I say, there is nothing from high school I wish I could get back. However, I did learn a lot and I loved a few things about it.

The first thing I should talk about is obvious if you know me – extra curricular activities. I participated in choir, debate, show choir, agriculture for a brief period, one act play, technical theater, theater productions for a semester, and one of the fall musicals. That may not sound like a lot, but I had virtually NO free time. Choir took two periods out of the day. Theater took a class period, and most of my afternoons. Debate took ALL of my weekends for two entire years. I was running myself ragged, and I was miserable. 

My senior year, I decided to do what was best for me and quit theater. I stopped writing extra speeches for debate. I dropped out of AP calculus and took a teacher’s aid period. I spent a brief time taking stats for the Lady Panthers Varsity Soccer Team. I finally had enough time to stop and think about who I was outside of all of these things, and I loved it. I loved having time to hang out with friends, I loved eating dinner at home.

I was judged by my peers for the decision to take some time for myself. God forbid I get a break my senior year, right? People saw me as lazy, or said I was giving up. I let that get to me, until I saw the bags around their eyes. I no longer envied them. Those things were fun, but none of them are my passion like it is for some kids. And guess what? That’s okay. 

Making “friends” in high school was easy, but making real connections was harder. There were, of course, a few. But the amount of friends I left with was way less than the amount I went in with. And that’s not a bad thing, either. I’m much happier not putting on airs. The people that have stayed with me are people who love me for who I truly am, and I don’t have to pretend.

High school makes it very difficult to authentically be yourself. Especially because you don’t even know who you really are yet. There are still so many things that are not set in stone, and so many things that are subject to change. It may be the place where it starts, but I don’t think high school is the place where you find yourself. At least, it wasn’t for me.

My experience with high school had a lot of pain. I mean, a lot. I hurt, and I put myself in positions to hurt even worse. There were, however, a lot of ups. I acheieved more than I ever thought I would. I became confident enough to continue my education. I started the process of learning myself. But I will never wish for those years back.

So long, MHS. One year down without you, hopefully a lot more to go.