A New Kind of Grieving

Anyone who knows me and my life is probably aware of how much death I’ve suffered through. I lose loved ones what seems like so often, and I’ve struggled so hard to deal with the grief that stems from a loss of life. Loss can come in many forms, though, and recently I’ve learned just how difficult it can be to miss someone and grieve for them when they’re still roaming this earth.

Moving In and Moving On

Incase you haven’t kept up to date with the rest of my blogposts – it’s been quite the interesting summer. I’ve been through a lot of heartache, I’ve experienced new things, and overall I’ve learned a lot about life, about God, and about myself. Now, it’s time to begin a new portion of my life – as well as a new school year (yay for sophomore year of college!).

Last Thursday, August 17, I moved into my first apartment with my boyfriend of a year and five months. It has been more exciting for me than I ever could have expected. Leaving the small town that I have lived in my whole life and signing a year lease felt like the biggest weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Everything big that has ever happened in my life has happened in that area. So, that means all of the good things and – more importantly – all of the bad could be left there

It hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows, though. We’ve had countless maintenance issues; our washing machine doesn’t work, our air conditioner runs constantly without ever getting down to the set temperature, our hot water heater is terrible, we’ve had to fix the garbage disposal, there is a huge football sized wasp nest on our balcony, the balcony floor boards are uneven and rotting, our sink leaks, our outlet covers are all broken, one outlet doesn’t even work, and who knows what else we’ll find. A ton of money has been poured into furniture, bills, curtains, bed stuff, hangers, groceries…

On the bright side, though, I feel so independent and empowered. We made it to church and had an awesome service on our first Sunday here, which really lifted my spirits. My boyfriend and I are learning to work together, even through very tough situations. I’m learning how to be completely independent from my grandparents for the first time in my life, and I feel like I’m doing really really well with it. We get to pick how everything looks, we get to make all of the decisions ourselves. We FINALLY get to be adults without any parents shadowing over our shoulders, waiting to catch us.

Our dog has been an immense comfort, as well. He’s adjusted way better than I ever could have hoped. He goes to the door when he wants to go out, he’s on a good schedule for going out and waking up and going to bed. He met a new friend at the doggy park, and played his little heart out until he was exhausted and ready to crash on the couch (where he still is right now, 3 hours later).

I can’t lie, it’s been a lot. We’ve experienced more ups and downs in 5 days than I have felt in months, My excitement, though, has not been dampened. I am still positive and beyond ready to experience the rest of this journey with my boy and my dog. There is nowhere else I would rather be than this stuffy, too-hot apartment with a growing pile of dirty laundry.